im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
