Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
