Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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