theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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