I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Randomize
