with your own penis?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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