Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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