It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
