at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
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