This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
