Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
