you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
