I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
