im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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