i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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