3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Randomize
