Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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