in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
