My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
