I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
