Can i not drive my cunt home
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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