I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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