fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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