He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I know her cup size but not her name....
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