uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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