I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
