I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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