dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm like, not good at living.
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