Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
