so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
