had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
