On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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