I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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