he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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