My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i barfeds in our rink
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
