i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
