It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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