Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
