i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Everclear isn't food dammit
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
