sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
