Sorry, I don't speak sober.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
