Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
