I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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