You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
