based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
