Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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