I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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