My underwear smells like fireworks.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
