You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
