Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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