I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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