are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My ass is underappreciated
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
