I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
